Finding Hope While Grieving

One of the most important ways to start to heal and move forward through grief is managing to find hope. It seems like a simple concept, but when you are in deep grief, searching for signs of hope can be devastatingly difficult. It is so easy to fall so deep into the pit of grief that we find it difficult to escape, but hope is the light that allows us to have something to keep fighting and climbing towards. It may be a small glimmering of light, but even a glimmer is enough to help us recognize that we won’t be this deep in the grief pit forever. So today, we are going to talk about why hope is so important in a griever’s journey and how to find it and hold onto it.

When I lost my husband, I often described my grief as feeling as if I was on a ship out in the middle of the ocean all alone. The storms are brewing, and the waves are raging around me, and I can’t see land for miles. Hope became the small compass in my hand, the promise that despite the shit storm I was sailing through, I was headed in a specific direction that would, at some point, lead me to a healthier, calmer land. Feeling lost at sea is a bit more manageable when you have a direction or a heading because it gives you something to move towards, something to fight for when you feel like giving up.

So how do we see this hope and hold onto it for dear life?

1.) Acknowledge Your Feelings: The first step in finding hope while grieving is to acknowledge and accept all that you are feeling. We can’t do anything about being lost at sea if we don’t acknowledge that we are, in fact, lost at sea and overwhelmed. Grief can manifest in various ways, including sadness, anger, guilt, and even relief. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment. Recognizing that it’s normal to experience a wide range of feelings can be liberating and can provide a pathway to healing. Giving yourself permission to feel all that you feel allows you to see that emotions are ever-changing, something to find hope in because sadness is not a constant forever.

2.) Seek Support: Grieving is not something that should be faced alone. Human beings are built to be social animals and to find healing in community. Reaching out to friends, family, or support groups can provide a sense of community and understanding. Sharing your experiences with others who have faced similar losses can foster connections that remind you that you’re not alone. Online forums and local bereavement groups can also offer platforms for sharing and finding support. And I say this from personal experience; as a widow, my greatest source of hope came from other widows. Watch the ones who came before you. They are the ones who know just how to reach a hand back to you and relate to you in a way the rest of your friends and family might not be able to. And when I saw other widows who had grown and made a better life for themselves and learned to carry their grief a bit easier, well, that changed my life.

3.) Create Meaningful Rituals: Creating rituals to honor the memory of your loved one can be a powerful way to channel your grief into something powerful. It provides hope for the connection that you will always have with the person despite the loss of their physical presence. Whether it’s lighting a candle, planting a tree, volunteering for a cause that meant something to them, or hosting an annual memorial gathering, these acts can serve as a reminder of the love shared and can provide moments of connection, serenity, and even joy amidst grief. A moment of laughter or joy, even when fleeting, provides hope that such joys will be more frequent as you move along your journey.

4.) Embrace the Good Memories: It is so easy as a grieving person to ruminate and focus on those last traumatic moments, days, or months leading up to a loss. While this is normal and natural, striving to remember happy moments spent with your loved one can ignite feelings of hope. Create a memory box filled with photographs, notes, or mementos that remind you of your loved one’s life and the joy they brought you so that you can sit with them whenever you need to remember. Engaging in activities that they enjoyed, or celebrating their achievements can help reinforce their positive impact on your life.

5.) Explore New Avenues of Growth: Grief can be transformative. We are new people in our grief and there are a lot of changes we go through physically, mentally and emotionally. It can lead us to re-evaluate our priorities and pursue new interests or passions that we may have overlooked before. Consider learning a new skill, taking up a new hobby, or even trying out mindfulness practices. Find activities that bring fulfillment and give you a sense of purpose in your pain.

6.) Practice Self-Care: Yeah, I know, I harp on the self-care, but I do so because I know that it can make the difference between deep suffering and growth and joy. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being is vital while grieving. Nutrition, exercise, and rest can significantly impact how we process grief. And the coolest thing about self-care is that it is extremely personal! Incorporate self-care practices that resonate with you, such as meditation, journaling, or spending time in nature. When you start listening to your body’s needs and begin to give yourself permission to rest, you’ll start to see more glimmerings of hope that you can and will find healing.

7.) Seek Professional Help: If grief becomes too heavy to bear, seeking help from a therapist, a support specialist, or a coach can be incredibly beneficial. Professional support can provide tools for coping with grief effectively. Therapists and Coaches allow you to express feelings in a safe and understanding environment and will help normalize the vast array of feelings you’ll experience. There’s no shame in asking for help when you need it. Help = Hope

Finding hope in the future is going to have a profound effect on your grief journey. Remember, looking forward doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one and getting over grief. It only means that you find new ways to carry your loved one forward with you to build a new life of purpose and meaning that will include both sorrow and joy. Take small steps to create new memories and experiences that honor the past while embracing what lies ahead and take your time! There is no timeframe for grief. Each person’s journey is different, and I encourage you to take all the time you need.

Grief is an integral part of love, but it’s important to remember that hope, growth, and healing are possible. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, embracing rituals, and prioritizing self-care, you can cultivate a sense of hope amidst the sorrow. Remember, grief is a difficult and painful journey, but hope can be a constant companion along the way. Let it be your compass in the storm to help you right your ship and find new land and purpose.